uncle M

Uncle M has passed away. I found out from my second cousin's status on facebook last night. Dad had called me earlier that day, I saw the missed call but he didn't leave a message. I was in a ferry to ikea in brooklyn and I was listening to bach cello concerto #3 and looking at the sunset in the river. I was thinking cello has a very earthly sounds and I was not in the mood to talk on the phone.

Uncle M was only 52. I remember him as the chubby-ish bald guy who was smiling most of the time. He was hyper in a sense, always noticable in the crowd. He had this beautiful cabin in kordan where we always hanged out with our friends. The last couple years before I move out of the country he was a bit manic depressed, and that apparantly was the case for the past few years on and off. But I don't really remember him that way. I stil picture him with his wool hat and glasses, smiling and making kabob for everyone. He was a very smart kind-hearted man.I'm pretty sure he was a very good doctor as well. And I liked that he was sometimes too straight forward, to the point that some people thought he is mean. But I value honesty.

Uncle M's birthday was the same day as mine. I used to call him every year when I lived in tehran. Most years he didn't remember his own birthday. I called him once from here; the last time we ever spoke. We will never meet again...that makes me really sad especially since I'm going home in two weeks after 5 years, and I was looking forward to seeing him.

it's weird to think about home. there are all these familiar things that i know and i'm craving for. and there are all the familiar things that i am not looking forward to. and then there are familiar people who might be very unfamiliar now. five years is a while; they might have changed a lot, or i might have changed a lot...i know i have changed a lot, but in my core, deep down, am i not the same person? or that doesn't even matter?

P is excited for going back home too. she is also nervous. she hasn't been back for about 2.5 years. she has weird dreams every couple of nights and is losing sleep. i guess i feel the same way. maybe not as much but that's probably because i have lived with this for a longer time than she has. and maybe because i have a stable life to get back to, and she is going to be gradualting and she doesn't have a job yet.

it's economic crisis. i should be worried about my job, especially because my immigration status depends on my job. but i am not worried about it, after all, what can i do really?

gradually, i'm learning to take life as it comes. sometimes this means giving up, being soft, not fighting for the ideal. but sometimes, it is the right move. the move that keeps you insane and calm. i am seeking calm, i am always seeking calm. but usually in my life, the calm only comes after the storm...

"ta'rof"

in iran if you see some one is wearing something nice and you want to comment on it, you say:

-nice dress
-that shirt looks good on you
-you look nice in those pants, or
-your bag is pretty

but you never say "i like your sweater". i guess because in the "ta'rofi" culture of iran, if you say "i like..." you would make the person feel slightly uncomfortable, almost feeling obligated to give what they are wearing to you. i know it doesn't make much sense and if you actually said "i like your bag" they would probably loosely offer it to you it and you would politely refuse. but the whole idea that you might feel even slightly obligated to give the next person what they like on you, is kind of ridiculous even to me.

on the other hand, if i am eating something while i'm sitting with other people, and i don't offer to them to have a piece of that, i feel rude. these two things are in nature similar. your possession (food, clothes or etc.) is essentially yours and you are the only one who has the right to use it, because you probably earned it. in american culture, you see plenty times that people eat and don't offer you to share with them, some times even if you are their guest and staying at their place...

i appreciate the hospitality of the iranian culture. i appreciate it that when you have a guest you make them feel very much at home. you give them the best place at the table or to sleep and you share with them your best food, drinks and even clothes. this might sound excessive but i understand it. i feel like i want my guests to have the best of what i got. i like them to feel like i really am happy about them being there with me, at my home. unless of course they over-stay their welcome or are too demanding...

there are so many things i love about the individualistic american culture. and there are so many things i love about the more socially minded iranian culture. and i wish to mix these two and have something in the middle. i don't think these two are mutually exclusive.


ps- mutually exclusive is probably one of my top-5 favorite words.

i decided i want to write again. who knows how long it's going to last this time. it is very possible that it won't last long. but that shouldn't stop me from trying, should it?

this morning i woke up thinking i learn something new every day. something about myself, some new facts, something about my friends and so on.

the one new thing i learnt last week was about my tooth brush. now this might make me look a bit stupid, or maybe just not very attentive (which isn't very far from the truth). but here is the story:

i bought this tooth brush at least 3 months ago and used it since. only last week i saw that there are two tiny little buttons on it with + and - signs. so i pushed this tiny little button and what happened was pretty interesting...the tooth brush head started vibrating! i was very surprised and very puzzled at the same time. how did it happen that in the past 3 months i have never utilized this cool vibrating effect (well, maybe not as cool as some other vibrating effects but still)...how did i miss it, no really...

anyway, i did brush my teeth and felt squeaky clean afterwards. who knows if that little vibrating motion really does anything, but all of a sudden it's like i have something new, that i got for free...it's kind of funny.

that's it for right now. i have more.