tonight i am sitting here, studying for an exam. i just had a class in entertainment and media and we talked about psychology of markets. about how media companies are so sensitive to fads in the market and how markets are so irrational.
sometimes i think about very shallow things, like how insecure i am about the fact that i am getting old, and my clothes are tighter than before.
sometimes i think about life and how perfect life has turned out for me. and then i miss my dad, because if my dad was alive and happy, life would have been even more perfect. and if i lived closer to my mom and sister whom i miss terribly every time i enjoy a german beer.
i especially miss my mom. the thought of her getting old and fragile frightens me. the thought of her dying...well, i do not want to imagine that. but i want to be close to her. close enough that i can see her on a whim, for an afternoon tea, which is a very civilized thing as my new friend, an old guy from the upper west side would say.
the weather is nice in brooklyn, and my room is warm and sunny. i open the curtains to let the sun in every morning and the rays of light add to my fragile happiness.
night is beautiful too. the walk from the subway in the empty streets, sometimes accompanied by the sound of the wind, sometimes by verdi. i like the night. i like feeling like i am protected from the bright harsh reality of the day. from all that noise, all that bore of the outside world.
i am living my 30s to the fullest. or am i?
