somehow it's so hard to be chill these days. i think it has mostly to do with my job than anything else. i am usually a lot happier in summer time, but this summer all i can think about is that i have not much to do at work, and i migth get laid off any minute, and that i have less money than last year with a more expensive apartment.

i should snap out of this self-pity cycle...it's not like i can do much about the job thing. economy is terrible and 10% of people don't have any job, so i guess i should rejoice in just having one, even when it pays less. but somehow, that's not what my brain is fixed on.

and then there are my friends. my close friends have left the city and i feel like i need to have more close friends. and i have no idea how to go about this. sometimes i wish i was more independent, so i would need no one. but that's just not who i am. before, i always had a lot of people to choose from. there have always been more people whom i thought i could be close friends with. but that's just not the case anymore. it might be because i am more judgemental of people...or that people my age are mostly married or occupied otherwise. and then again, i am always going to be a foreigner...i should probably get over it. as long as i am moping, i will be unpleasant.

there are important things happening in this world and in my country specifically. i feel bad that i make a big deal of my little problems. but at the same time, this is a more tangible part of my life...

i hope these days are over soon.