freinds are not forever...

i miss N. it's not like i miss her so much that i want to see her right now...no, i miss her being my friend. we are not unfriendly, but we are not really friends anymore. obviously living in two different countries doesn't help. but that's not all. Sh and I are still good friends even though i didn't see her for 5 years. we are close; we click the second we see each other, we have things to say to each other; we talk about our feelings, things that happened to us, our plans, our insecurities, people around us, the past, the future...we are close, even though we don't really communicate all that much. the last time i saw her, she was still my best friend.



not the same with N; we grew up together, we spent numerous days and nights playing, camping, hanging out...we spent many many hours together, and we did feel close. i am sure at some point we were best friends. but for the past few years we were not. it started right before i moved out of the country, and went on... it was probably my fault, i was being too harsh on her at one point, maybe too judgemental...but i really wanted the best for her. it was my intention to protect her; it was obvious to me that she was making a mistake that will have a big impact on her life. i wanted the best for her, but i didn't know how to convey that.

it is never a good idea to try to tell people that they are making a mistake, or to tell them what they should do; they will never listen and you will never become a hero. at best, you hurt their feelings and they get over it. at worst, they never get over it and you lose a friend.

but i wonder if i should withhold my opinion about something my best friend is doing. should i hide what i think? maybe...but i'm not sure if that's what i want to do. if i was doing something wrong, i would appreciate people telling me so. but there should exist a middle ground. i guess in the end, every one should be able to do what they want to do. and in the end, i should be good enough of a friend to respect their decision. i just wish i was not so self righteous, and they were not so sensitive. i can't afford to lose my friends to my being opiniated...


still, some friends are forever...