dream

I had a dream about my dad last night. I was back home, we were just hanging out, but we were hugging each other. My dad’s friend was there too. He said “I don’t know about you living in New York and stuff. I think you should come back and spend some times with him. My dad was just standing there looking at him with those kind affectionate eyes. He had a faint smile; that sad smile of his. He was happy to see me happy and he was sad that I was so far away.

I felt like something dragged me out of his arms and I woke up sobbing. He was so close, he was right there. I could feel him, smell his body.

I guess this is the closest I could get to him ever again.

The thing in my throat hurts. It hurts so bad.

I can't write about it yet. I just can't. I will need a day to write about it. I don't have a day and the strength to do it now.

i do write down bits and pieces when i can, but i can't write about it just yet. as if it becomes more real if i do.

i will write about it soon, one day.