it isn't that i used to feel a connection with a larger entity and now i have lost that. no, i have not been a believer since i was an adult. but i was connected to something important and that was the eastern philosophy. it is hard to explain how that used to get translated into my everyday life, but it was a huge part of my life. from the Hafiz poems my father recited at every occasion, to conversations about the nature of love, human values, and the purpose of life, i was absorbed in spirituality in my everyday life.
it's not that i don't get into meaningful conversations anymore. i do. i talk about politics, economics and even relationships all the time. but these conversations are all outward-looking as opposed to the ones i mentioned. i realize that this is probably a function of age as well. i was in my early 20s when i left iran, and naturally, much more in search of a meaning for my life. now, i just understand life better and i know myself better, so maybe i am not as curious about the philosophical issues as much. but i still miss all of that.
