When Oklahoma penetrates into your belly

there is a new abortion law in Oklahoma requiring women who seek abortion to undergo an ultrasound, and listen to the fetus's heartbeat. there is no exceptions for rape or incest victims. based on this blurb, the law has no effect on the decision at the end. basically, this is a way of making your life even more difficult when you are making an already difficult decision. my problem with such a law is that it indirectly romantisizes the decision making process. that somehow the woman who seeks abortion is making a completely emotional decision, and since women are easily manipulated, a look at the fetus will change their minds. if only, the women realize that the fetus's heart is beating, presumably like theirs, they will make the humane decision,

now, i am very opinionated about a lot of things, but i don't know which way to go about abortion. i don't think abortion is right or wrong. to me, it is a personal decision, and a difficult one. maybe you should take a responsibility of your actions, and have the baby anyways, and try your best to raise her (assuming the pregnancy was a result of a careless accident). or maybe it's unfair to a kid to be raised in a situation where she can't have the basics, like the love of the parents. i don't know... but assuming that the women, or the couple, making that decision, are so naive that they have never thought about the shape of a fetus, is really insulting. and it invades people's privacy. why do people think that they can make a better decision that me about my fetus?

it's liberating when you stop belong to your past. it breaks your heart too.



in the early years of immigration, i tried to adopt to my new home as best as i could. i tried to move on from the past, to build a new life. i wouldn't allow myself to visit my memories. like a photo album in a drawer, that you pull out only once in a while, i burried all of my memories somewhere in the deep corners of my mind. i detached myself from all those familiar faces and places. i did what i had to do to survive, to move on, to build something anew. i was going for a" global resident", a new identity.



and i succeeded almost perfectly. i feel more at home in new york city than i feel in tehran. i have an american boyfriend, i even write my diary in english.



but i am obviously not an american. i don't like the smell of bacon, and the idea of owning a gun turns my stomach. a big house in the suburb is far from my dream home, and i still have my accent.


i have stopped belonging to iran. but i don't belong here either. i can't say that i mind this identity limbo. i like the utter freedom it presents me with. and i like to pick and choose. i might not like bacon, but i love grilling burgers. and i do like being a permanent resident; the lines at the airport are much shorter.



but i don't mind it. after all, this is the freedom that i have been seeking.