nostalgia

i was thinking about childhood the other day, and about dad, inevitably. i realized his death was the permanent end of my childhood; the point of no return. obviously the real point of no return was a long time ago, but it never occurred to me that way. at the back of my mind, there was always a possibility, a flickering light, that i could go back to those carefree days. the days when i could hold dad's hands and be worry-free. the days when someone else was taking care of me... and those days are gone, forever. not that i am saddened by the end of childhood. but in a way i am nostalgic for it. the thought caught me by surprise. i feel the weight of this reality on my shoulders. it is like i am mourning for the death of my childhood, along with my father's death...

i miss my childhood. i miss my dad.

and i miss home.