driving. in jersey.

i've always liked driving. driving in cities or on highways, it doesn't matter. I enjoy them all the same. Except when it's too much traffic of course and I am driving a stick. but that doesn't happen often, not in the states at least. this past saturday, though, i had one of the least pleasant driving experiences ever.

i was going to south jersey to hang out on the shore for two days. i went down to new brunswick friday night and had a nice time with my friends from rutgers. the next morning I picked up a nice nissan centra, which I was pleased with it's acceleration and smoothness, in addition to the fact that it was $45/day cheaper than if i had oicked up the are in manhattan . since i have no sense of direction and have forgotten to print out directions or pick up a map, i decided to get a gps to help me navigate. i was going to head down the garden state parkway but the gps was giving me really weird back-road directions. i followed the directions for 10 minutes which led me to all the wrong roads. there was construction going on and the police had closed a couple of streets, so I had to use my memory from where i lived in central jersey to navigate to the highway. it was rainy and dark and foggy too. perfect beach day...

once i was on the highway i decided to look up the google directions on my blackberry and choose the easiest route. bad idea...i decided that he gps system is the shittiest technology i have had to deal with in a long while. and the google directions were even more weird cause it was directing me to I95 which was completely out of my way at that point. the navigation signs in jersey were not helping me a bit.

long story short, it took me 3.5 hours for the route that should have taken me about 2 hours and 20 minutes. and that momentarily ruined my desire for driving. so today, on my way back, I didn't follow the gps, or google directions. i just asked people, and it was awesome. i made it back to new brunswick in less than 2.5 hours and i really enjoyed my ride. i feel a little closer to my dad, who refuses to use technology a lot of times.

an over-thinker's morning thoughts

i get to a point that i'm so mad at him that i just want to ignore him. i think about him vanishing from the picture and that doesn't bother me. i have all these imaginary discussions with him. i want him to be happy, but should i just give up? i mean i love him more than i think i do, but i am also resentful. he makes me feel so helpless that i just want to forget about him.

then again, feeling helpless is even worse that feeling nothing. it's destructive. i mean i can't make him happy, so by making myself unhappy i am just adding one unhappy person to this world. it's stupid. but i can't help it, it's unconscious. i have dreams of talking to him and seeing him happy and lively, and then i have dreams of him being so desperate and pitiful.

i know i think in circle sometimes and i know i always over think. but i really want him to be happy. why can't i make him happy? he is such a smart and good-hearted man. i wish he lived a happy life.