i am getting anxious, and losing hope. i see the videos from iran, posted online and ask myself "is it worth it?"...then again, what is worth more than freedom. isn't freedom what humanity has been seeking in the long history of our being? isn't the power to decide for your life what we all work for? we need to get back our basic rights, we need to teach a lesson to the oppressor. we need to be free...

i feel guilty and sad not being there, not being able to participate. on the other hand, my life has other issues here. every day i show up at work, i am thinking about the next round o lay-offs, about how i don't manage to save money anymore and about the chances that i get laid off without getting my green card. then i think about what people are putting up with in iran and i feel ashamed...it's kind of a vicious cycle.

i miss the fight for freedom. i hope my people could see the result of their courage.

i feel so restless. things are happening and i am far far away from the scene. from the excitement, the hope for a better day; and the rage, violence and the bitter taste of blood. i don't know if i should feel privileged or unfortunate. it is as if i am watching a film, a days-long film, a crazy brutal film, which is powerful and full of hope at the same time. i feel enraged, i feel happy, i feel concerned, i feel hopeful, i feel sad, i feel helpless, and mostly, i feel far far away from everything that is happening. and i wish i was there, in between people i love, fighting for freedom, fighting for better days, fighting in hope of better days, fighting for hope...

my heart is with you my dear iran.

books and flowers

i was doing some uninteresting cadd work and my mind was wondering around when suddenly i had this vivid image in my mind of these dried flowers that we used to keep in between the pages of books. there were tulip and violet and rose leaves. and sometimes we would accidentally open the books and the flowers would fall down, dancing in the air before they lay on the ground...for some reason that memory reminds me of my dad, when he was young, when i was a child and i used to love reading books. the books that he would buy me for my birthdays, for graduations, for any unimportant occasion..and there was always little snack in the gift wraps; a walnut, a piece of chocolate,...

i looked through my books this time when i went back to tehran. we kept all of my children books in a box in a closet. i browse through them, they were such interesting books. made me admire my parents for they had chosen those books with so much care. i can only hope i'd do the same for the next generation.

everyone is talking about the election. it's all over facebook. and i am reading articles online all the time. everyone is excited again. and some people have got carried away. like every other time...

i wish i was in iran somehow. that i could witness this passion. the passion for freedom. the passion for participating and decision making. the passion that might lead us to a better place. somewhere closer to the path to freedom.

let's hope so...