happiness

a professor was giving a talk about happiness. she was listing the happiest con tries of the world and the reasons behind their satisfaction. the happiest country in the world was listed as Denmark.


my first response was: "sure, it's obvious. they are wealthy, educated and healthy. and they have a socialistic country that takes care of them when they need it." but then she compared other countries with similar characteristics. Germany, France, Italy, Sweden, Switzerland, etc.


it turned out, the most important factor determining happiness is expectations. apparently Danish have low expectations of life. they don't expect to have huge amounts of money, extraordinary careers, big houses or luxury cars. in fact, every year they are pleasantly surprised that the state of affairs in Denmark is not completely rotten.


now, think about that for a second. i had to pause and reflect on it for a few days. this is huge. this is telling me that the lower i expect from life, the happier i am. (assuming basic levels of well being). completely counter intuitive, right? maybe.

it made me think about my relationships. does that mean the happiest relationships are the ones that the couple have the lowest expectations from each other? does that mean not having standards make you happy? if you are a beer snob like me, you get annoyed when all is available is budlight. but if you have low expectations, you can't be disappointed.


i have to say, i am conflicted by this. if in search of quality we lose happiness, do we want to pause and lower our expectations? or do we want to accept that we just can't be the happiest people because we can't have low standards. how much control do we really have in setting expectations?

i haven't written for a long long time. in fact, i have not had enough time to reflect on myself. i was too busy managing the events of the outside world that i nearly lost where i am in the journey of life. this all sounds too philosophical and i am a fairly simple person, but there is some truth to it.

when you see yourself with the eyes of the outside world, your view of yourself becomes very narrow. in the past few months i was focused on finding a job. and finding a job requires me to look at myself from the employer's prespective.

this is truly the first time i have ever looked for a job. in the past, the job has always came to me either because i was a good engineer or because i knew the right people. but this time, i was not good at the job i wanted to take: i have never done it before. and i didn't know anyone. let alone anyone that actually mattered. so convincing people that they should offer me a job was a task that was a bit beyond me. now, it's true that i am in an mba program and we, mba students, tend to think that we can do just about any job and be good at it. i can't say that i fully believed that, but i am convinced that i'm smart enough to learn just about anything in a short time.

the interviews were very different depending on the company and the function. in many of the interviews, the interviewer just asked many arbitrary questions and gave me some business cases to solve. i didn't get my dream job, which was only my dream job because the company is very high profile. but i got a job that i feel good about. and the reason i feel good about it is that i think people in this company took time to get to know me. the interviewer asked me about my upbringing in iran, about my transition after immigration and about what interests me in the business world. i really appreciated that he is curious about me, and not only about what i have prepared to say.


well, long story short, i took the job and i will be spending all of the next summer at a job i know nothing about. but i anticipate it to be a good experience. a learning experience that pays. so i am happy right now and i get to spend this semester doing whatever i want. i get to be curious without worrying about getting a job.

i am happy even though it's winter. and winter always wears on me. i also started rock climbing again which is just awesome.

busy goodness

school is mad busy. i don't have much time to catch my breath. but it's the most exciting period of my life (maybe after the first time i was in love). i feel like a world of opportunities has opened in front of me. i feel like i am growing as a person and as a student. i do well in tests, i build good relationships, and although it is crazy, i am on top of it. being on top of it all is something i didn't expect from myself. also, i feel like i'm much more of a people's person that i used to think. this is such a steep learning curve that it might knock me out of the game. but let's hope not!

i love every minute of this. even though i don't get more than 5 hours of sleep every night

school

i knew i was going to be busy at school. but this busy, i never thought. i don't think i have ever been busier than this in my life! between studying finance, accounting, micro economics, strategy, and then preparing for recruiting, i hardly have enough time to sleep. i think my average sleep hours reduced to about 6 hours a night. it's as if i have a really demanding job already. oh boy!

enough bitching. school is great. i meet a ton of people every day and i get to learn about the companies, the markets, economies, people, and everything else. it's such an exciting opportunity.

gotta love business school! (and i do)

i'm all settled in my new brooklyn apartment. and it's been great so far. i love my room: it's big, and there is a dent with a desk that i could use as an study room. i have five windows which i absolutely love! i get both morning and afternoon light, something that i lacked all these years in my manhattan apartments. and being on the forth floor, in a residential neighbourhood with short buldings, grants me the refreshing late-summer breeze.

i don't know all-settled is a good word because i still need to buy a bed and a dresser and curtains and other stuff. but i feel like i am settled. i feel, once again, that i have a welcoming home to come to after a crazy day out there. as much as i love new york, living here is sometimes exhausting.

the school has started and i am meeting new people every day. i have about 400 class mates who are fascinating me. there are people from every background and every part of this world. and most of them are just really nice and friendly. there are of course the usual nut cases and arrogant guys and princess-like girls too. but that is a given. hanging out and making small talk is a little emotionally draining some times. i am one of those people who prefers to have one close friend than a few acquaintances. but in the past few years, i have realized that i should be more flexible. a couple of my really good friends have left new york, and i have felt the void of not having more friends. so this time, i will try to stay in touch with more people and hang out with them more often.

......

i just finished reading 1984. and it freaked me out from time to time. it was unsettling how relevant it was to what is happening in iran. and in other parts of the world too, but iran is a more tangible case for me. it reminded me of all the values that the islamic republic was trying to implant in out heads when we were little girls. the religous ceremony at the age of 9 to celebarate or woman-hood. the guilt from feeling excited about guys, and the shame and fear of having sex for the first time.

the book is just so real and alive, that makes me feel very pessimistic about the future of this world. will it always be the same? will there always be people from this or that country who live under a dictatorship? it has always been the case, so what guarantees that it will stop?

and yet, somewhere in the back of my mind, i know that it will be different in the future. it will be better. it has to be better.

thailand et all...

And a post from 2010 that I never published: 

someone once warned me about getting used to living alone: "it's a habit that is very hard to kick". sometimes when people are in my space and i feel uncomfortable, i do see his point. but in times like this, when i am sitting alone at a hotel room in bangkok after spending the past 10 days with my mom and sister, i think that i will never get used to living alone. living so far away.

bangkok is the definition of hustle and bustle. the city is crowded and loud. there are carts selling random stuff in every sidewalk in every street. traffic is pretty bad and people have not so much regard for your personal space. the smell of food is abundant and it even smells spicy. when we arrived here, i avoided street food like cholera. but the past two days i figured that i don't want to be missing out on anything and i went all out.

the curries are so hot that my mouth would become numb after the first few bites. but there is also non-spicy bbq sea food which was my sister's favorite. the fish was stuffed with herbs, covered with sea salt and grilled on charcoal grills. papaya salad was covered with chili peppers and included those little dried shrimps.

there are buddhas everywhere. and i don't mean only in those large colorful temples with big big buddahs. there is a miniature temple at every corner, in every shopping mall and every hotel. passerbys bow for a second and pay their respect before they continue on their way. and some leave beautiful yellow flowers. somehow buddhism looks like a very laid back kind of a religion. they don't look like they need to convert everyone by telling them what happens when one dies if she doesn't join the masses. but it's quite possible that i don't know enough about the religion and i am just making this up.

but if buddhism is a way of life in thailand, i suppose it is working. i can't say that people are living a good life. poverty is apparent in every street corner. but aggression is curiously absent. there are smiles and inviting faces. everyone is trying to sell you what they are selling for three times as much as they should, but at least they do that in a way that you feel good about it. and about yourself.

back an apartment hunting

i'm back in New York again. it's been a while. this morning i was driving in from new jersey and i glanced over and saw the skyline of Manhattan. my heart was filled with joy for a second. i have lived in this city for more than 4 years, but i seriously get excited each time i come back to it. i heart New York, i suppose.


so, now i am apartment hunting again. i have no idea how many times i have moved in the past 6 years, but i'm pretty sure it's more than 6 times. being a nomad for the summer was so much fun (and i saved plenty), but finding an apartment in the city is a real pain in the ass.

i am planning on moving to Brooklyn this time, because i simply can't afford the village, and i have exhausted living in Harlem. there was a point that i was really excited about living in Harlem, but for now, i'm done with it. i want to try a new neighbourhood, and Brooklyn is so much fun (well, parts of it are).

i have sent about 20 emails and so far have gotten one reply back! maybe i just don't sound friendly enough on my emails, or maybe it's my name (the only person who responded was a Palestinian girl, go figure). but who knows, it might just be the new york housing market. there are always a ton of people looking for rooms. you would think that a ton of people are moving out of their apartments too, but i'm not sure how that works. at the end of the day, the demand is high, the prices are jacked, and i am a broke student. but i have done this way too many times before and i refuse to be discouraged. i will keep sending emails.